A child's mindless rattle

A tooth-less rattle

Friday, November 18, 2005
11:37 PM

I'm exhausted. A full studying week without time to rest, it's a vicious cycle that will carry on for the coming weeks. Exams in three weeks time, I'm excited but anxious too. Feeling really good about myself because I'm the only few who hasn't submitted my reports late. On top of that, I managed to maintain my results on an average of As and Bs. I wonder if this is good enough for me to secure my 1st or 2nd class honours degree. It's all too early to say since I'm only in my first year.

I feel like a woman with an insatiable appetite for ~~sex~~ chocolates. Chocolate bread for breakfast, chocolate cake at work, chocolate cookies in class, chocolate icecream for supper. This goes on until stress finds another way of escape. It takes years to be good but only a moment to turn bad. How true. 4 days is all it takes for the pimples to undo all my efforts to have a clear and healthy skin. There's this huge pimple that keeps oozing pus.

Eww, gross.

My presentation went very well, and I enjoyed being out of the office. Unfortunately, I'm still not able to close the deal, but hey, I say I've got a pretty good chance. They're bringing it up to the management for discussion and I'm to write a proposal for them. The bad thing is, my boss thinks there's no need for me to write a proposal. So here I am, stranded. I can go ahead, write one with my own knowledge, or not write anything and not risk being embarrassed. I made a choice, and I'm hoping that's the right one.

Pearl and I have been ~~fighting over the slightest things~~ discussing. I blame it on the lack of time together. My insecurities are magnified with the fact that her shift's changing. A long time ago, I remember her saying we'll be in trouble if she starts working in the morning. Now that the time is here, I guess there's nothing we can do but to face it squarely. After 6 months of trying, I finally understand that it's possible to work everything out. It doesn't just apply to relationships but to everything else.

But anyhow, we kissed and made up pretty quickly. Everything else fell in place like nothing happened. Anniversary in 3 more days and I'm looking forward to it. Half a year isn't a big whoo-haa, but hey, 6 months for someone who used to be commitment phobic, I think it's quite a feat for Pearl. I'm glad she always found a reason to not let go.

Going out to loiter in awhile and to meet her. Some things happened, and it made me understand that no matter where you're working at, which industry you're in, politics are impossible to avoid. The only difference is whether you're in it, or you're out of it. Politics are found between friends as well. This world is getting depressing, but I'm well protected. Even mom does that in the weirdest way.

Over dinner,
mom: "I don't know where you learn all these homosexuality stuff from.."
-I'm chewing on my brown rice which is very hard...-
mom: "is it the TV, internet or friends?"
-I'm still chewing on my brown rice-
mom: "don't just eat rice. Eat veggie too"

It's odd how homosexuality becomes a topic over dinner. It's even more apparent to me that she cares because all along, as much as she's nagging about me being a lesbian, she's never told me to stop seeing pearl. I suppose the only thing she's worried about is me not being able to handle the descrimination, and the pressure that comes with this preference. I wish I could tell her I am inspired to be the new age Romeo and Pearl's inspired to be my Juiliet. Or if she prefers, me a Liang Shan Bo and Pearl a Zhu Ying Tai.

I'm well loved, I know I am. As stressful as my lifestyle is, there's no where else I want to be at. These days I've been counting my blessings the first thing in the morning.

I've got a wonderful girlfriend, a mom who loves me in the weirdest manner, friends whom.. I haven't been nice to but have always been around me to help me out, work's picking up, school work's fine and... I've got 2 cars to drive! In fact I got to say a big thank you to mom for letting me out at the weirdest time of the day. As much as she nags at me for going out, she never took my car keys back, or cut up my clothes like she threatened.

Love, it makes this depressing world a lot more bearable.

The End!